Archive for May, 2007

Do’s and Don’t’s: Lessons From A Transoceanic Flight

1. DO NOT take advice from the way-too-skinny, single, childless airline employee. When she tells you won’t need your stroller during your layover because “it’s only for an hour,” it’s because she doesn’t realize you are carrying over fifty pounds of toys, children’s books, diapers, and loveys which will make it slightly difficult to chase after a hyperactive toddler.

2. DO pack as many snacks you think your toddler may consume in 48 hours because the airline’s “children’s meal” will undoubtedly contain:

a) something your child is allergic to
b) an ice cold/burning hot entree
c) too much dessert
d) at least one completely inedible item
e) all of the above

3. DO pack as many diapers as humanly possible. The friendly, overcompensating flight crew will probably over-juice your child in order to keep him as calm and happy as possible.

4. DO pack a change of clothes for yourself. Yes, you’ve never needed it in the past, but you’ve forgotten that your over-juiced toddler is now too big for the “changing table” in the airplane bathroom and will pee all over your chest while he clings onto your neck for dear life.

5. DO feel free to disregard the flight attendant’s announcement that you are now experiencing turbulence and to please return to your seat. It would be best for everyone in your section that you wash the pee out of your shirt first.

6. DO book a late night flight. When you emerge out of the bathroom looking like you just entered a wet t-shirt contest, the fact that the cabin lights are out and everyone is trying to sleep will help ease your embarrassment.

7. DO laugh it off. It isn’t as if the plane crashed. At least you now have a funny story to tell and another reason to make your son feel guilty when he’s older. Besides, shouldn’t you have at least packed a spare t-shirt or jacket for yourself?

May 8, 2007 at 11:39 pm Leave a comment


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